Poop for peace: a Girlfriend inspired political theorem

Why does Girlfriend run screaming from the bathroom when I slip down my trousers and settle firmly on the porcelain throne? It’s a part of nature and after all, we all do it. I know guys would like to think that all those hot chickies out there don't squat and plop, but trust me guys, they do. The real secret is that sometimes it's uglier than yours.

So why does Girlfriend race out of the throne room caterwauling about nasty, smelly boys? It's not like I'm asking her to hold the camera. And I Know for a fact that my rump is large enough to form a nice tight seal so there’s no chance she can actually SEE the process. Come to think about it I don’t think I’ve ever actually SEEN the process, but i digress. Maybe it's the special FX of the process. But hey, noises and smells can’t be helped. And guys, let’s be honest....... the noises and smells are kinda funny.

Also, it doesn't take long (not like we're doing our hair). It’s a simple and relatively quick routine, most of the time.

1) Locate appropriate reading material

2) Sit

3) Evacuate

4) Flush (sometimes this may be optional)

The hardest part is usually trying to get your pants unfastened. Whoever decided pants required more than one button ought to be administered a swirly in a twice used bowl.

To answer my original query though; I think perhaps it may be just another social barricade that we as men and women need to breach. Think of what would be possible if we as a society came to the negotiating table with our knickers ‘round our ankles astride the porcelain god/goddess (there’s no room for sexism in the revolution friends) and squatted as equals on the bowl of freedom. We could use this approach in the realm of global politics as well. Imagine sharing TP with Osama and the rest of the Al Qaeda boys. It’d be hard to argue and point fingers over the vibrating roar of butt-trumpets.

Now realize that I am just a humble man simply trying to understand the intricacies of intimate lavatory movements. But if we can all appreciate the hilarity of a well executed “barking spider” than maybe a few sessions of “Poop for Peace” are in order.