My response to my gay friend's posted threat to commit suicide after being stood up.

Do yourself, your family and the rest of us a favor, end it now. No, I'm not talking about the unoriginal, self deprecating, dull narrative of your sorry life that you've so thoughtfully submitted via your tear stained keyboard. I'm referring to your existence. Yes dear friend and enjoyer of the less lubricated sex; suicide is YOUR better part of valor. Perhaps sleeping pills or a quick drop from a nearby over pass followed by a sudden stop on asphalt and a bit of rush hour traffic would be a good way to end the bleating of your inner sheep’s broken heart. I wish you no ill will or pain in this, your life's last endeavor, and I pray only that you are successful in fully achieving your own death so that we may all be sparred from any further writings of such contrite, sheepish and decidedly hang-dogged origins. May god have mercy on your moronic and inconsolable soul.