Girlfriend is eating my socks.........

I think Girlfirend is eating my socks. Twice a week I do the laundry. Once a month I have to replenish the ranks of my sock drawer. This is a ratio far beyond normal.

At first I thought nothing of the mysterious disappearance of my warm and much loved footsie wrappers. We all lose socks now and again. Dryer Monster certainly takes his fair share and you can bet that Dog and Cat agree on a cessation of hostilities long enough to terrorize a stray pair of rolled up socks. Like the desert bandits attacking defenseless pilgrims in the days of the crusaders I am almost certain that Dog and Cat descend upon lone, rolled socks, far from the safety of their drawer. Bent on flipping, clawing, drooling and shredding until said socks are delivered into the arms of whatever merciful deity awaits to welcome the soft fabrics of our comfy pieces of wardrobe.

Actually, just last week I boldly rescued a forgotten pilgrim from Cat’s scimitar like claws. After a game of round the couch goes Boyfriend I finally managed to latch onto my poor (and now holy) sock. I wrestled it from the clutches of the feline tormentor. The battle apparently was not over though. Cat, feeling extra frisky, rode the sock to eye level before sheathing it’s scimitars and scurrying back to it’s lair. Admittedly these minor skirmishes are inevitable. Indeed, when defending one’s kingdom one must expect battles.

However, a most peculiar thing occurred not long ago which led me to believe that the disappearances of my cherished and favorite under garment may have a much more sinister under tone. While doing the laundry, Girlfriend reached into the clean, freshly dried and still warm pile of clothes and plucked a single sock (from a pile containing a plethora of various garments). While holding the sock gently, as if it were some kind of delicate morsel, she raised it to her nose and breathed deeply. With her eyes closed, she smiled and exhaled breathily, “I love the smell of fresh laundry.” I eyed her suspiciously and continued to fold my khaki’s.

I believe her behavior in the laundry room to be a careless slip up. It is my belief that while overwhelmed by the intoxicating aroma of her favorite snack she inadvertently let slip her sinister secret. Who knows what she may be capable of? She could be in league with those savage marauders of innocent apparel, Cat and Dog. I am currently investigating any link between Dog, Cat and Girlfriend. One can not be too careful when defending the kingdom.....